Girl Talk…

***Boys, you might want to skip this read, unless you want to understand the importance of good undergarments…***

 

 

Things I have yet to master as a woman who wants to master her womanly body and still feel pretty…..

  • Finding a bra that fits. I don’t mean just ‘fits’ but rather one that lifts where I need it to, doesn’t pull where it shouldn’t and can’t be seen with the naked eye. A bra that is not going to show through the sheer tops I don’t own. One that won’t cost me a boob job to wear! You’d think that with so many to choose from this would not be an issue, but, after nursing babies my boobies need some of that extra pampering too! Also, I’d love a bra that is pretty. Because I like pretty things. What’s a gal to do?!?
  • Buying underwear that is comfortable without making me feel like I look like my mama post-divorce circa 1989. I want seamless, and yes, pretty. No I do not want pretty ‘big’ looking…because nothing says yuck like a big ol’ pair of parachute undies. Is it truly impossible to find comfortable yet visually appealing lady panties that are 1) less than $15 a pair and 2) only found by me when there is only one pair left? I mean come on!
  • The ability to find a good color of lipstick for my pasty complexion that I can actually apply correctly. For one reason or another I just can’t do it! I avoid the clown look, the matching polyester pants/lipstick combo, oh and the ever popular dual purpose eye/lip-liner art. Mary-Kay…if you’re out there shoot me an email. A tutorial video is appreciated!
  • Jeans. Specifically jeans that cover my butt cheeks when I bend over, do not show my panties or God forbid – anything anywhere near my vagina. Who’s idea was it to implement ‘low-cut’ jeans into any wardrobe?!? I want jeans that do not come up past ones belly button. (As in mom jeans…) Jeans that do not look like I was just in a shoot out. Jeans that do not accentuate my muffin top. I want jeans that are comfortable. I do not want to pay $129.00 for them. Remember when Levi’s were $19.99 for the button downs? I long for the days…
  • Oh and let us not forget a really, really, really good hair brush. Long locks are hard to care for when you refuse to spend $60.00 on that salon brush of your dreams. (Here is where I mention that I cut about 2 feet of hair off one time because I rebelled against said brush cost. I now have longish hair, and a $6 brush.) Do I really need a winning lotto ticket? Seriously!!!

Why is there a price to be paid for beauty? Why is it that in my 35th year of life I feel like having a desire to feel pretty is going against the feminist movement? When I was in my twenties I felt that feeling pretty was a part of it…as in owning my body and doing with it what I wished visually speaking. Because it was mine! It is still mine people! Wanting to feel beautiful/pretty on the outside for me is to simply match what I feel on the inside, or try to. My clothes, shoes, and even my hair are an extension of who I am…though I do not rock said extensions. I enjoy converse shoes, t-shirts and noooo socks. I have an affinity for black and/or grey clothing, always with jeans. Do I really have to buy brightly colored sweaters and such for each season? (Because for whatever reason I feel like I have to!) And for the the love of God, who invented high-heeled shoes!?!

When did the word pretty become bad? And why do I feel guilty for wanting to be? I don’t want it as a label, but I want to feel okay wanting it.

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19 thoughts on “Girl Talk…

  1. 31 y.o. wrestling with the EXACT same things. I never cared a lick for my looks in my twenties. It’s only in my thirties that I suddenly want to embrace my femininity, maybe because I had a daughter? And yet, I worry about the lessons I’ll teach her. I just want her to feel free to find herself–whatever that might mean.

    And I’m torn between knowing we live in a visual-based culture and thinking a woman has a right to agency over her body, its appearance and its sexuality. I’m torn between wanting to feel beauty (inside and out) and rejecting society’s over-emphasis on the external and superficial.

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    1. I am with you DLJ. Having a daughter makes the choices harder. I dress modestly because it’s just who I am. I’ve never worn bikinis or see-through blouses. That’s not because I judge people who do, it’s just not me. But I find I’m much more selective about what I say, how I say it when my 10 yr old daughter is within ear shot. Now that she’s hitting ‘that age’ *gasp* I am trying to SHOW her to love her body, and cherish it, as I am ever aware that world is a shitty place to be a pre-teen in. I want her to feel okay wearing boys clothes because that’s what she chooses, but be comfortable in a dress if she ever decides to want one. And can I just say…I can’t wait for that moment again?!?

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  2. I love my greys and my converse. I like them with no socks too. I’m 40 years old I’ll wear them as I please, so please stop telling me it will make my feet smell.

    Sadly I wear a itty bitty bra, so those are always cute. Maybe too cute, I really don’t want my boobs having print on them.

    Heels, I think you need to go to a special class for those. I am not a graceful person, honestly I’m quite clumsy. I can hurt someone in heels if I fall.

    I hope Mary Kay is reading, I need an explanation of all this stuff. Do I need to prime, what do I prime, do I need to conceal my whole face, or use the other wet stuff, what about the powder, what do I do will all the powder? I also want to know how to apply lipstick without looking like a clown.

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    1. Amen sister! And don’t feel bad about knowing lol. You’re in good company. I own a pair of heels (not high) for funerals of all things. The rest is all all stars and flip flops. Which by the way I can’t wait to wear. It’s suppose to snow here tomorrow. Not fair universe, not fair.

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  3. Oh, man … how I relate to this!

    The looking-pretty thing is something that rolls around in my mind a lot. I like to feel pretty, though I usually derive that feeling in ways that don’t require make-up or, um, doing more than running a wet brush through my still damp hair.

    Sometimes it’ll flit through my head that I should care more, but that’s pretty uncommon. When that thought does make its appearance, I sometimes stop and wonder: Collectively, how much time have women (and even men, in their different routines) spent focusing on appearance to the exclusion of working on things of substance? Like, if one woman spends 30 minutes a day on her hair and make-up, she’ll have spent more than a week on those things in a single year. I imagine all the other things that could’ve been done in those days of freed-up time.

    But then, I feel about that the way I feel about constant pursuit of uncluttered space and minimized movement. Yeah, there are certain things all people do that take lots of time or are “inefficient,” but aren’t those things the moments where it feels great to rest and linger? In this busy, noisy world, isn’t the time spent getting pretty itself an affirmation of life, one way of pausing to dedicate necessary time and love to yourself that gives a boost through challenges ahead?

    I know that how I dress has a huge impact on how I feel, and that it has nothing to do with how others perceive me. Most days, I want to wear a t-shirt, boots and a skirt, but some days I want to wear heels (rarely high), a suit, and jewelry that matches. This is often on days where I start out feeling not so hot and need an extra little boost from the outside to get going. Others it’s because I have some kind of presentation and want to stride in feeling confident. (Actually, I have a post I wrote about just such a day. I could link it with an explanation if you didn’t think it was too promo-y.)

    There are some things I don’t want to do better, smarter, faster, cleaner. I want to sink into them and enjoy them for the sake of doing them as I enjoy them. I think those things should remain in our lives, whatever particular things they are for any one of us, and that we should feel good about taking time to do what lifts each of us individually … whether or not anyone else gets it, because it’s not about them. It’s about affirming self.

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    1. I am so glad I’m not alone. Please please please link to your post. I would love it! I had actually considered asking you to co-write a post on this but have never asked such a thing, didn’t know if it is possible! I think you are far better at the bigger picture, where I focus on the moments.
      I wear Chapstick and oatmeal lotion on my face and my hair is always in a bun. ALWAYS. For me, I just miss having a reason to wear it down. I haven’t worn a suit in years…but I own them! So that’s something!
      Basically stuck in mommy mode…and I know I’m blessed but I guess it’s that grass is always greener saying?
      And don’t worry about feeling to promo-y. You’re last take charge human if worry about that coming from. πŸ’œ

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