Meth/Death and Life is…

*I had the most amazing (powerful?) post written for today….and then my baby cried and with that alone on my mind I closed the screen and all was lost. So.Very.Frustrating.*

 

The words spelled out how aging comes to a woman who use to ‘do’ (crystal meth). Craved it more than the air, more than her sanity, her life. They were words brought together by pain and suffering, loss and hunger. RAGE. The nouns though few were ‘just’ people. People who only betrayed her, easily molded her. She became a child sleeping on a park bench…night after cold/damp/dark and scary night. Sentences filled with lowly quotes, angry musings. Perhaps a thought put to the paper on how growing older is such a miracle – because it is. She is amazed she survived at all.

image

The places, the things/moments that put her there were woven into what would have been real/raw/and punctuated with needed heart-breaking. A story of rage turned toward redemption. The solitude that helped her find her peace. The child that lost her innocence but found a way to give that child a home, a comforting place…deep within.

It was to be all of those ‘things’ that one remembers, of a life gone but never far enough from her mind…

The closing was to be all about the light that had shown through her window, right to her thankfully still-beating heart, as the sun was rising…

I am an addict, forever in recovery. I am 19 years CLEAN this month. Though my teeth still show the regrets of my youth, my drug use, and the ravages of time…I will take it. This age. This wisdom. This life.

image

 

 

Advertisements

8 thoughts on “Meth/Death and Life is…

  1. Congratulations on the 19th anniversary of the beginning of your recovery. [Did I say that right?] I cannot imagine how surreal it must be to look back on who you were and how far you’ve come now. Keep on, keeping on.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. If your recovery were a person, Bits, it would technically be considered an adult!

    In the meantime, the adult in you saved that child, and those of us who’ve only known you as an adult are grateful. And you’ve cared for your own children, now, who’ll be granted a chance at a different kind of life than the one you had.

    I know I owe you a million kind words and wishes, but in the meantime, while I’m still struggling to get my head above water, I’ll just say this: You are beautiful, inside and out.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I never looked at it that way but you’re absolutely right DLJ! And no worries with the wordy bits we swap just now…I know the red tape is everywhere it’s not suppose to be. Thank you for the sweetness you’ve shown!

      Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.