Never Make A Plan!!!

Feeling overwhelmed minions? I too struggle with this little turd called anxiety…I just never know when that riptide of panic will hit, but I have grown enough to know who or what can trigger it…

We went fishing for the Fourth of July weekend, and let me tell you that after all the epic (as in expensive) mechanical failures of the past month I couldn’t make the following up if I tried.

Let’s set the tone with a pre-road trip run down shall we? 

Washing machine leaked all over basement.

My van has a flat tire…damn it

Couldn’t (still can’t) find glasses

Migraine

***In our SUV we have me, my husband, one man size 14 year old son and our daughter, Little son, baby son, 130 lb dog child, 40 lb puppy child. Packed around us are our needs for the weekend. On top of said SUV are two kayaks.***

Driving to our favorite fishing hole on the Missouri/Arkansas border is about four hours give or take…unless you make plans, as I did, to get there in that time frame. 
First was the traffic which was backed for miles in both directions at a crucial point of our road trip – so we had to take a two hour detour which only got us 33 miles from home. Siri, if you’re maker is reading this – kiss my butt.

Two hours later we reach the famed, nay infamous ‘candy shop’ and baby needs to stretch his legs. While walking around our beloved SUV had over heated AND the oil light was on AND the check engine light was giving off the ‘it’s to late you’re doomed’ glare. In need oil? Yes! Nearest gas station? 6 miles away. Stress level high and pricey! Oh did I forget to mention that as a result of Siri’s flagrant disregard of our schedule said candy shop/gas station was closed when we pulled up? Yeah, it was that kind of night.

We get to our destination at around midnight. SEVEN hours after we’ve left home. Both dogs need to pee, I need to pee, baby is pissed off and my husband looks like he’s about to stroke out. Baby slips on wet floors. I slip on wet floor…because you know…it’s RAINING! Pardon my language but in my mind I thought to myself ‘what fuckery is this?!?’ 

Alas we wake Saturday to find rain but no fish. Our son Jay caught one…just one troutsie…for the entire day. (That was one splendid fish…so yummy, but as a total for the day not enough for a family meal.) We decided to load up our hot-n-sexy SUV for a beer run…which yes, Siri, that bitch, took us on a scenic drive for 1.5 hours to a Walmart we had never seen, past the one we would have had to do an illegal u-turn (on a major four lane road no less) to get to. Sigh. Forget the beer, I bought two loaves of French bread and a bag of cookies. Omm nomm nomm. I love you bread. You heal me.

But Sunday, sweet sweet blessed Sunday…
It rained just enough to keep the fish biting and the temperature pleasant, well, for July anyway!


Jay (man sized child) caught his limit of trout…

Birdie caught hers too!


It was nice enough that we got to swim in the afternoon…so we all got to nap too for the bonus. Yay me!

Bravo caught his limit and met a guy who was a nephew of a man he served with – small world! It made his weekend.


I got to fish ALONE. Peace. Quiet. I even caught a few trout myself! 

My husband Bravo and Jay got to kayak…and promised that next time I get first dibs. 


#familyfishingfun

The Butt Blog

 

 

Posting in the summer sun has been a bit of a challenge, both for my busy fingers, and fantabulious(?) frizzled hair. ( Only two weeks in…I think I need an assistant mama! ) I’m ready for fall/fall into bed/to fall off the responsible parent band wagon and begin bribing with candies! Yup, I so do that in the summer. Anything blue raspberry flavored is a big hit, or treats containing bugs. Gross yet effective.

Birdie is part of an invitation only math ‘prodigy’ class for the next month. As proud as I am and believe me I AM SO PROUD – I’m sad I can’t converse with her about all she’s learning. I.suck.at.math.

Summer is our season of random facts, in which I will happily share with you, my amazing minions, as I learn them.

Courtesy of Birdie
Turtles breathe out their butts.
I googled it.
The Australian White-throated Snapping Turtle does it to be specific. Because we wouldn’t want to make this claim about every turtle. It’s a rare thing indeed to breathe out ones butt. Let’s not get into the finer points of this fact but enjoy that my daughter found it at all. And I’m still laughing about it.

My son JJ likes to regurgitate the inappropriate comments (because he’s six yuh know) that our neighbors make. I’ve been getting schooled on the word ‘juicy‘ and how said word is used by a certain Mister neighbor to describe the Missus’ butt. JJ told me my butt was juicy this morning and I spray n’ washed his cute little face with my coffee.

*Have your kids or other small humans in your lives said anything you just can’t forget? Funny factoids? I’d love to read all about it!*


 

Bits Gets Fancy!

I have arrived…as in I have an official email address for my blog! Isn’t that exciting. Like, oh my gosh I’m so committed. Feel free to ask anything of me or even shoot me some ideas for future posts! To celebrate I’m giving you all the gift of laughter. Be warned there might be cursing, or just nonsensical silly time…

 

WTAF fishing 101

 

Fainting goats? Oh yesss please!

 

Bacon. Need I say more?

 

Okay I’m done being obnoxious. I hope at least one video made you laugh. I almost forgot…here’s my new email address. If ever you need a ‘friend’ I’m here.

bitslittleblog@gmail.com

*You would be quite surprised how hard it was to come up with an email that didn’t sound like the name of a pornstar or pornographic movie title. I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed but I know what ‘heavenlylittlebits’ @ hotmail.com sounds like.*